It’s not that I don’t think about my website; I think about it frequently. It’s just that thinking isn’t doing. It’s as if there’s an invisible force field preventing me from getting anywhere near “johnschott.com”. I’ll spare you the myriad theories I’ve constructed to account for this personality myopia, this allergy to being-in-public.
But I’m going to try again. In the oft-quoted words of Sam Beckett: “Fail again. Fail better.” What compels me this time is the pride I’m taking in my Actual Trio, and the desire to help it prosper. Dan and John have given this band a lot of non-compensated time and energy. Sal at the Actual Cafe has given us a steady gig for over two years. As a result of these efforts the trio has really taken root. Keeping this site updated and worthwhile is a cheap and theoretically easy way to draw attention to our music, as well as other worthy endeavors with which I’m involved.
All it requires is for me to let go of the excuses and rationalizations I clutch at like a security blanket:
“I’d rather be doing music than websiting about music.”
“I hate the internet’s cheapening and flattening of artistic and intellectual production, as well as the premise that everything should now just be given away.”
“I’ll just be disappointed when my witty and erudite postings are not celebrated like Ethan Iverson’s or Jeremy Denk’s.”
“If I were a fan of me, it would be a selling point that I was an obscure, reclusive, adverse to self-promotion, man-out-of-time sort of character.” See Franz Kafka, Emily Dickinson, Herbie Nichols, and Mary Margret O’Hara.
I know my appetite for “being-out-in-the-world” comes and goes, occasionally spiking as if in a manic episode, then plummeting down to its usual below-sea-level status. If and when that happens, so be it. What I do manage to accomplish while I’m “up” will still be out here in technospace, a little beeping beacon, while I revert to my more usual ostrich tendencies.
Yeah. So… I updated the calendar.